Wednesday, February 20, 2008

What Happens When Your Kids Aren't Friends?

When I was a kid, I remember my mother wanting to take me to visit a friend of hers for coffee in the afternoon. The friend had a son, Freddie, who was exactly the same age as me. I didn't want to go. He wasn't my friend. She showed me a picture of the two of us sitting together before we were even one year olds. The idea being that we have known each other forever and wouldn't it just be great to see him again. Of course, I went. You really have no choice as a kid.

Now that I have two kids, I realize the same situations occur. I drag the kids to be with families and the kids really aren't their friends but they make do. Luckily, we have Nintendo.

This past week I realized that my son wasn't invited to another boy's party. The mom and I are friends and I thought the boys were too, but apparently not. That's okay. When I asked my son who should be invited to his party, he named 14 kids but not her son. In the past they were, but now they are not.

Every year I make my kids invite everyone to their parties, even if the festivities are in my house. That's how you get 18 kids in the living room. The thought of leaving someone out or excluding one of my friend's kids is unacceptable to me. In my mind, everybody has to be included. I would never want there to be "hard" feelings. Friendship is more important than anything else.

Lately, I'm beginning to feel like I'm the only one that thinks this way. Other people seem to exclude friends without a care. She's not really a part of this. Her son is not really friends with my son.

All this makes me feel hardened. I'm thinking I need to exclude people in order to be like everyone else. Friendship doesn't need to be a priority. Has everyone else given up like me? Does everyone else just not have the ability to think of other's feelings?

I know a mom who used to make her first son sacrifice what he wanted for the good of the others. With her second son, she decided to do what was best for him and not others. I agreed with her decision at the time and I realize I may have come to the same conclusion. It's sad to look out for yourself and not others.

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